Me, You, And Ted Haggard

I read about Ted Haggard's confession of homosexuality and use of methamphetamines, just as you probably have. And I had reactions to it just as you probably do. The first reaction I had was a sense of vindication tinged with that luscious feeling of revenge that the hypocrisy of gay bashing was once again being brought to light.

And while that vindication may bolster the just cause of equality for all human beings, revenge is sweet for only a few short moments. I recognize that underneath my righteous indignation there is a deeper lesson about hypocrisy, at least for me.

Just as presumably Ted Haggard is both humbled and humiliated by this exposure, don't we all have hypocrisies that would publicly humble and humiliate us if exposed? Yes, his hypocrisy had great influence over the White House, the Republican agenda, and a large Evangelical following. But don't our individual hypocrisies also influence others as well as social policies?

If we tell our children to abstain from alcohol and drugs but hide our own chemical histories or current use/abuse, what impact does that have? We may argue that we want them to do as we say, not as we do. But couldn't Mr. Haggard have made that same argument?

If we use an illegal substance but are glad for the arrest of street corner drug dealers, doesn't this hypocrisy have an impact? Aren't our prisons overflowing with people who may have touched the contents of that little plastic baggie hidden in our underwear drawer? <




If we are calling an end to war with Iraq but continue to consume half of the world's fossil fuels, much of it for jetting to distant vacation spots or filling up our SUVs, isn't there just the teeniest bit of hypocrisy in this?

If we pride ourselves for buying organic fruits and vegetables but demand that they be available year round, hurting both local farmers as well as requiring enormous amounts of fuel to get them to the nearest Whole Foods store, isn't there something for us to examine?

Of course, I can go on and on with this list but my point isn't to shame us. My point is to acknowledge that all our hypocrisy causes damage. Rather than cast stones at one another, we could take the news of Mr. Haggard and look more deeply into ourselves. We could remove our own veils of hypocrisy, acknowledge our own falls from grace, tell more truths about who we really are, change whatever behaviors we don't like in ourselves, forgive ourselves and others for our trespasses, and go about living life more consciously and compassionately. This is my take away from today's news.

Framing The Big Picture

The most powerful concept in persuasion is framing. When we look at the overall, big picture we can see most everything we do and say as a frame. When I suggest examples based on religion and politics, I'm not (NOT!!) endorsing one side or another. I'm simply showing where our blind spots exist, where we have holes in our arguments. if you have a belief that you fervently or fanatically believe in, you might just be blind to the other side of the issue.

When we talk about the pro-life/pro-choice debate, the other side, no matter which side you're on, is absolutely wrong. No ifs, ands, or buts. The other side is NEVER going to accept your point of view. It's just not an option. There are some that are so certain that this is not a "choice" but murder. Others believe it's not a frame at all, but an elimination of a woman's choice to have freedom over her body. There is no in between, no gray area for either side.

I have absolutely no interest in changing your deeply held beliefs, but my goal is to simply point out that all of these beliefs, ultimately, are different frames.

The ability to reframe is to tell our truth, life the way we see it. It requires us to repeat things deeply carving neuro pathways that show us what to think in any given situation, with any given group or idea, in any setting.

Without naming names, think of the major coffee chain, the one that's taking over the world. They're responsible for putting little mom and pop cafes out of business. They charge A LOT. They may even be slightly overrated. AND yet, they are fair to their employees even providing part time workers with health insurance. They buy their product from sustainable coffee growers in 'third world' (another frame) countries. They also have a delicious organic iced decaf mocha. <




It's possible all of these statements are true at once. Maybe it doesn't matter a lick to you either way. But they are beliefs and as a result, they are frames.

You can do this with everything. Try health care providers, for example. They are 'miracle workers', they're caring, nurturing, overpaid, shills for big pharmaceutical and insurance companies.

Your beliefs may include none of these descriptions. At the very least, you can see that each statement is a frame. We've all had good and bad experiences with health care providers and these experiences necessarily color the way you view the profession. If your first memory was of being ill and having to be hospitalized, then that would have an enormous imprint on a fear of hospitals. At the same time, the procedure may have saved your life. This might not help adjust your frame because the negative experience of illness and pain, would be overshadowed by the positive experience of being alive. Only through multiple positive experiences would that change the neuro pathways that make you fear health care providers/hospitals.

It is my hope that in repeating the importance of frames, some of you may begin to view the whole world as a series of frames.